Lately there has been a lot on my mind that makes it easy for me to never want to leave my bed again. I could easily stay lying under the covers with fear flooding my heart and mind. There have been so many shootings this year alone, and it isn’t even the end of February yet. The cost of living continues to skyrocket. Corrupt leaders and corporations intentionally go out of their way to try and kill the poor because of their greed and need for more money. Namely, the derailment that happened in my own state just a little over a week ago, poisoning a small town and the water that nourishes people in many states besides my own; that wasn’t the only derailment to happen recently either. Severe earthquakes in Turkey and Syria decimate the land, taking the lives of nearly 50,000 people. I could go on and on, but it wouldn’t be any good because it would simply distract us from God and his goodness if I continue to focus on the negative going on. Instead, I am going to encourage you and remind you that God is still on the throne and in control, just like he has reminded me each time that I began to let anxiety and fear take over.
Each night for the last month, after I finish spending some time in the word and praying, I ask God to speak to me and put on my heart anything he wants to say. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but I know I wasn’t expecting him to have so many wonderful things to say to me each time. Everything he has put on my heart is tied to specific scripture, which is amazing because it is confirmation that it is God speaking to me, which means everything said is 100% true. There have been a few nights where he gently corrected me in certain areas of my life, but for the most part, he gave me loving encouragement and exhortation. One thing he tells me multiple times a day is to trust in him with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding. He also tells me to always acknowledge him and that he will direct my paths. These loving words can be found directly in Proverbs 3.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
He also tells me to fear not because he is always with me and he has conquered the entire world. God says to me that he will keep me safe. There is nothing more comforting than hearing from my creator and father that he will keep me safe. A few times he has said to me that he will also keep my loved ones safe too. I believe it fully, and those words help me to keep my focus on God whenever I begin to fear. Just the other day he kept his promise when a car pulled out in front of us, giving us barely any time or clearance to avoid an accident. We were on the way to valentines day dinner, after receiving some not so great news (more on that in a minute), so we were especially thankful for his protection at that moment. In Isaiah 41, God tells us that he will give us strength and keep us safe, so we have no reason to fear because he is always right there with us. Another thing God spoke to me that aligns perfectly with scripture 🙂
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NIV
One of my best friends, the one that I mentioned I met through a christian blogging group five years ago, has been going through the hardest trial of her life. Since last year, her husband has been fighting stage IV colon cancer. I remember feeling like I had been punched in the gut when she first shared the awful news with me. Dave is such a wonderful man of God, that I had the pleasure of meeting five years ago when I got to see Angela and her family for the first time. Robbie and I felt a strong presence of the Holy Spirit the entire time we spent together at dinner. I just knew they were such a wonderful family, and Angela is like a big sister to me. Knowing that she could lose Dave hurt so badly because I love her and her family so much. I instantly knew that I needed to become a better prayer warrior because we needed all hands on deck. I also vowed to be there however I can, despite living six hours away. Throughout the entire journey I have had a complete trust that God can and will heal Dave completely of his cancer. Things began to get better a few months ago and some of the tumors shrank and disappeared. Angela and her husband also attended a healing sermon where people she didn’t even know yet came up to her and Dave to share that they saw an angel removing something out of Dave’s stomach. Hearing that gave us all courage that Dave would be healed very soon. However, as of right now, things have taken a turn for the worst.
Dave has been in a lot of pain for the last month and is now in hospice. Angela and her family are faced with making potential difficult decisions because of how things are going. I honestly am shocked that things have taken such a turn, because everything was looking so great. I started to get discouraged because I wondered why God wasn’t honoring our desperate prayers for healing. I was tempted to give up and assume that Dave’s time is over, but something inside of me told me not to. I know that was the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart. Even Though things look grim right now, I am still trusting in God for complete healing and will pray it over Dave and his entire family all throughout the days. Something tells me that there is still hope, and I know that nothing is too big for God. So I am going to lean not to my own understanding, and am going to faithfully continue to seek God and plead for Dave’s healing. Back to valentine’s day for a sec. The reason our day wasn’t completely amazing was because of the news Robbie received from his doctor that day. On his way to pick me up from work, Robbie informed me that his doctor wanted him to have a colonoscopy to check if he himself has colon cancer because of a few symptoms he had been having. When I heard that my heart sank and I immediately thought of the worst. Angela and I also have a ton in common, even when it comes to shared illnesses, so I began to wonder if this was yet another thing we would have in common.
For a little while I sobbed uncontrollably at the thought of possibly losing my husband when I am not even quite 30 yet. Then my heart ached at the thought of Angela losing Dave. I began to wonder if God’s will was for both of us to lose our spouses. Thankfully, instead of running away from God because I was upset at how things are looking, I decided to pray. I decided to give it to God, and to continue to uplift Dave in prayer too, trusting that God will heal him. There’s one more thing that I want to share that God has said multiple times to me lately, which is a reminder to delight in him, for when I do that he will give me the desires of my heart. This amazing biblical truth is found in Psalm 34.
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 34:7 NIV
This is the truth that I have been standing on for weeks now when it comes to Dave’s healing. I am working on seeking God and his kingdom each day because I love God, and in hopes that he will answer my prayer of healing Dave because that is what my heart desires more than anything right now. I am also trusting in him that Robbie doesn’t have the C word either, and that if he for some reason does, that God will also heal him. I desire that both my husband and my friend’s husband have many more years of life ahead. Whenever God speaks to me through the Holy Spirit, I get a sense of peace and joy that I cannot describe in human words. I honestly don’t know why I have spent so many days being so wrapped up in my own things that I have forgotten to take time to listen to him. I suppose it is because I am still a work in progress, and will be until I meet Jesus. In the meantime, I look forward to growing closer to God and Jesus. I know that it isn’t always a linear growth pattern because we all fall down and we all are constantly fighting against our fleshly desires which go against God’s goodness. But we can rest assured that he is patient with us and that we will continue to grow closer to God as long as we keep seeking him. I hope that I could encourage you today that no matter what you are going through, God is bigger. Also, God wants to speak to each of us. Seek him and listen, and you will be amazed at what he has to say.
Angelica Lynn Love 